Horse Pills

Sweet Fancy Moses! What on Earth is going on here? Every day my sweet bride (The Vessel, just in case there needs to be clarification), consumes three pills the size and color of Green Giant's thumb! Have you seen this guy? He's a pretty big fella.

These things are packed with wholesome goodness according to Nature's Way, the manufacturer of these digit-sized gobstoppers. But perhaps the following would explain why they need to be so big. Take a look at these ingredients:



VITAMIN A: 15000IU
Beta Carotene: 5625mcg
Gamma Carotene: 5.6mcg
TRANS BETA CAROTENE: 5.4mcg
BETA ZEA CAROTENE: 1.1mcg
Vitamin C: 1gm
Vitamin D: 400IU
Vitamin E: 200IU
Vitamin K: 80mcg
Thiamin: 25mg
Riboflavin: 25mg
Niacin: 125mg
Vitamin B6: 50mg
Folic Acid: 400mcg
Vitamin B12: 200mcg
Biotin: 300mcg
Pantothenic Acid: 125mg
Calcium: 250mg
Iron: 18mg
Iodine: 150mcg
Magnesium: 125mg
Zinc: 15mg
Selenium: 70mcg
Copper: 2mg
Manganese: 4mg
Chromium: 120mcg
Molybdenum: 75mcg
Sodium: 15mg
Potassium: 50mg

Green Food/Spirulina Blend: 500mg which contains:

Spirulina: 0
Alfalfa: 0
Barley Grass: 0
Dandelion: 0
Wheat Grass: 0
Spinach: 0
LEMON GRASS: 0
Nettle: 0 (nettles, for criminey's sake!)
Blessed Thistle: 0
Chlorella: 0
Chickweed: 0
Blue Green Algae: 0
CILANTRO: 0

AMINO ACIDS: 225mg
Glutamine: 0
ASPARAGINE: 0
Leucine: 0
Alanine: 0
Arginine: 0
Lysine: 0
Threonine: 0
Valine: 0
Glycine: 0
Isoleucine: 0
Serine: 0
Proline: 0
Phenylalanine: 0
Tyrosine: 0
Histidine: 0
Methionine: 0
Tryptophan: 0 (turkey drugs?)
Cysteine: 0

Nutrijuice (Veggie) Blend: 100mg
Parsley Juice Powder: 0
KALE JUICE POWDER: 0
SPINACH JUICE POWDER: 0
Wheat Grass Juice Powder: 0
BRUSSELS SPROUT JUICE POWDER: 0
ASPARAGUS JUICE POWDER: 0
BROCCOLI JUICE POWDER: 0
CAULIFLOWER JUICE POWDER: 0
Beet Juice Powder: 0
Carrot Juice Powder: 0
CABBAGE JUICE POWDER: 0
GARLIC JUICE POWDER: 0

And if you're watching your weight, you should be proud to know each of these choking hazard nuggets only has:

Calories: 5
Total Carbohydrate: 1gm

Is it me or does this seem a little over the top? My parents probably drank a gallon of gin a day, snorted asbestos, and took turns kicking each other in the midsection with steel-toed shoes to see who would crumble to the floor first. I guess people just weren't aware back then. We are all the wiser, right? Right?

~