Rockabye Baby

I am a horrible horrible friend. Jennie, you deserve better than me. No, I know, it is true. Please spit in my face the next time you see me. (please don't. it was just a figure of speech) (don't be so literal. gaaah!)

Why am I horrible? Well, Jennie was thoughtful enough to get the quintessential cd for any to-be-parent-who-loves-a-little-metal. At Carisa's baby shower, Jennie got us two things. I have no idea what the baby thing was, but I do know the cd "Rockabye Baby" is freaking GOLD! From the cd sleeve....

"Rockabye Baby transforms timelss rock songs into beautiful instrumental lullabies. The soothing sounds of the glockenspiel, vibraphone, mellotron, and other instruments will lull your baby into a sweet slumber. On this album, they'll enjoy Metalllica's best known anthems without the pesky earplugs you didn't bother to wear growing up. (Note to young ones: wear those earplugs. I have the early onset of tinitius. Metal is so good, but so bad for you.) We've turned down the volume from an eleven to a two, and made the bed ourselves. Say your prayers little one. Tonight the sandman will be gently rocking you to sleep with these essential masterpieces of rock 'n' roll."

I never thought you could headbang to a glockenspiel, but let me tell you, I gave myself a little whiplash the first play through. I was amazed they could reproduce the genius of Clifford Burton with "(Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth." The only disappointing part of this cd, is that you round the corner of a gentle mellotron and expect Kirk or James to bust out into the hardest mutherf.... riff on the vibraphone, but it never comes. That's the way it rolls sometimes.

Jennie, you know how to rock...

The Mother Lode

Okay, I've been away from the blog for quite some time. I need to get back in the game. But I need some material to write about. Luckily, I have my wife, Carisa.

For those of you who do not know Carisa, she is something special. Not just because she agreed to marry me, but because she loves to do a lot of fun stuff. Such as sewing! Who doesn't like to sew these days? Heckwad, EVERYONE loves to sew! Carisa has been working her way up the ranks of sew master these past few months. If she could only sew me a lathe or work bench, I'd consider her apprenticeship complete. Time will tell. Most of her recent focus has been on crafting maternity-related items. Receiving blankets, some kind of curved pillow thingy, peek-a-boob, bra converter deal for nursing (ask her about this one - she's feeling pretty proud of her invention), and other miscellaneous do-dahs.

This is what our lives have become: Carisa received another huge bag of baby hand-me-downs from the Fair Liz Jones. Carisa reached inside the bag and says "Holy crap! Look at this. This is the mother lode." What would be "the mother lode" in terms of baby hand-me-down bliss? That's right, nursing pads.


She made a few on the sewing machine, but wasn't all that proud of the outcome. I will liken the receiving of these nursing pads to hitting five out of six numbers on a Megabucks ticket. "Look at how many there are! Allow me to demonstrate" and she does. Liz, you have made Carisa a very happy woman. Thank you for sharing.